Today, I was feeling like a garbage. Really because I am not doing anything. 

I decided to be a full time mother. I am truly blessed to have a super naughty 10 month old boy.

But is being a full time mom nothing?? 

I keep asking myself this.

Am I burden on my husband? Can’t I be a good example for my baby?

Questions.. Decisions?? 

What to do when you feel worthless?

Host or guest?

Host or guest?

Hospitality refers to the relationship between host and guest.

But question lies who is host and who is guest?

Humans think that they are host. And why not? We have many evidences. We are the creators of many electronic items. We had discovered secrets of nature, from microscopic organisms to giant dinosaurs, from knowing the depth of oceans to the diameters of largest stars, we know everything about our guests doesnt we?

But, from my perspective, these are toys given by a Host to His guests. We are not host, we are guests. These worldy things are merely provided to us so that we could stay thankful to our host. He had given us spring water, four seasons, friends, family and what not

But, humans forget that they are not host. And as all guests do, we also have to return to Him one day.

So, why we try to seek pleasure of other guests, why not please our host?? 

Successful Mask

Successful Mask

We all wear different masks all day. Different mask for different people. Like I wear my daughter mask when I am with my family, daughter in law mask when I am with my in-laws,etc.

I dont know which mask I wear successfully. We all try to fit in every mask every shoes perfectly. But we wear some with great perfection and some with errors.

The ‘real us’ are known to very few, because we sometime forget to come out of our role. Even when we see mirror, we tend to identify which role are we in? But, In solitude, when we try to identify ourselves, we fail miserably because now we are not use to of seeing ourselves without a mask.

We had successfully forgotten ourselves…

Now people doesn’t know real “Sana” but knows a “Sana” with a mask of daughter, sibling, wife, daughter in law.

When my world fall apart…

When my world fall apart…

I am never a quitter. I will fight until I die. I keep this chant on repeat mode in life.

But, saying is easy, believing is what is hardest.

I wanted to die, I still think about suicide. This place is no better to me.

But, I cling

Just one more day, minute, second

Try to breath and pass this time

I will pass through it, will get out

Then night will fall

And will take me in his arms

And everything will be ok

And then new sun will rise

One day, just hold on

Good will come one day….

P:S. Dear readers. It is requested to make special prayer for me as I am not in my good health. I try to write daily, but my depression and health is giving up on me. So, please pray for my wellness. Thank you 🙂


So Done…

So Done…

It is said that what is gone, will never come back. I agree.

But my addition is ‘they will haunt you for lifetime’

Whether they are your ex-lovers, relative, family, friends, and etc. memories of the time spend together will stay in hearts forever.

They say that time heals, but I disagree, it only make it worse.

I don’t know what is more bad, their death or seeing them happy with someone else.

When we cant see them, we miss them and wish that things could go back to normal, where at least they were in front of us. But when we see them with someone else, it kills us inside.

So, their death or ours? Which one you prefer.

Until next time.

Letter to 2016

Letter to 2016

Dear 2016,

You started with a bang, and we all hoped that you will bring peace and love in humanity which is long lost. But instead you scheduled all festivals on weekends, therefore, I couldn’t get a day off, to spend some extra hours with my family.

You made me see a boy drowned near seashore, war spreading in more areas, plane crashes, corruption, failed resolutions, etc., but we still hoped that you will get better.

I lost great legends of my country and we saw financial instabilities.

But, personally, it was you were too good to me and my family.

We are about to welcome a new family member, thanks to you. I saw my little sister dressed up as a beautiful bride of a great man. These moments were worth living for.

Luckily, no one in my family got ill or suffered from any trauma or injuries.

I lost my job, but found a new hobby and I love it. Blogging is like a food to my soul. I will try to write daily next time.

You were too good to me. I wish you could be equally good to every human on earth.

We every year welcome your successor, with more open heart and high hopes than previous years, wishing that you may bought blessings and well wishes for us.

Sometimes you bring gifts of happiness and sometimes sadness.

Hope this year will be good to me as well as to every human around the globe.

P.S :You moved really fast. I hope 2017 will move slow. I need time.


Someone who welcomed you…

Conundrums… left unsolved.

Conundrums… left unsolved.

After knowing today’s prompt word, my conundrum was ‘what does conundrum mean?’

But now I know, so it is no more a conundrum.

The question which is most difficult one to me is ‘when will I learn to forgive and forget?’

I can do either one of them, or none of them. I had forget what my one of the closest relative done to me and my family, but I cannot forgive them, even though she had stopped playing games with us. Why it is so difficult?

Humans tend to forget all the good things that had happened in their lives, but remember all the embarrassing moments and hardships he had undergone through. I am not an ideal person or an angel who can forgive and forget easily. Something stays in mind for a longer period of time, may be for a lifetime.

I had forget that how my best friend ditched me after being my best friend for 5 long years, but can I forgive her? Nope. Not possible.

I cannot forget and forgive my first love as well for his decision of breaking up. Indeed now, I am more than happy with my husband. But sometimes, my mind bring back his memories, which I so want to forget. He recently got married, and I was invited. When I saw him, I just see an acquaintance. I wanted to see something for me, but couldn’t find anything. He had moved along, so am I, but sometime, I get back to the same place where he left me, in expectations to find his traces.

When will I move on? Why it still hurt to see him with someone else. It was me who got married first and he also have the right to go on. So why I am expecting him to come back to me?

Conundrums… left unsolved.