Fadeness

Fadeness

As December comes in, it brings so many faded memories with it, mostly because at the end of year we always try to look back and think what we got and what lost.

We are blessed with our eyes that are given on the front side rather than back, but we use it totally opposite. We are used to of seeing all things we shouldn’t be. We should let go past, but we always look back to it.

Strange but true.

Even when I see myself in mirror, I compare myself with yesterday me. Am I better then yesterday or worst?

What I have with me today, is it enough or not?

The things of which I was sure of few months back are now very uncertain. Just one change, and the world had turned upside down.

Decision making gets tough when your vision is faded

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Easy Breakup

Easy Breakup

Running as fast as I could to catch my train

Just when I was about to miss it

A hand came in from inside

Asking me to hold it

As I hold, it dragged me inside vigorously

And I landed in his arms

The world stopped that movement

All I can see is his face

And his heat beat was the only sound

I can smell his breath

Making me want him more and more

He was looking in my eyes

And was playing with my soul

He left me as the train stopped

Like everyone else did

I looked for him and found him nowhere

Wished I could have such an easy break ups every time

I laughed and moved on….

Pungent Smell of Depression

Pungent Smell of Depression

I am going in that phase of my life where it is getting harder for me to sense happiness, as if I am losing it day by day. It should me one of the happiest days of my life, but I don’t know why I am not enjoying it? Everyone is so excited but I am not. The level of excitement is decreasing day by day.

I am now sensing the pungent smell of depression near me. And it is getting harder not to be engulfed by it. I lost my job 4 5 months back and now due to my condition, I cannot go out to work. Because of it, all he financial burden is now laid upon my husband – I to be blamed.

I am losing physical attractiveness as well. I am feeling that my husband is either working so hard on his job that he really did not have time for me or he does not want to be with me. Again I to be blamed.

I don’t know why I am writing all this. But I really wanted to take this stuff out of my chest. I wish I could scream so loud on top of the world so that I can take this grudge out.

 

Aroma from Heaven

Aroma from Heaven

Almighty had blessed us with 5 senses and all these senses, when work, bring back old memories. Seeing an old picture, touching their old clothes, speaking out their names or smelling any related smell make us miss someone so bad that getting over becomes more difficult. The scars of heart that were thought had healed, become fresh again, and killing us inside.

I lost one of my favorite cousin 2 years back. I can still visualize his face, always smiling and making jokes in tensed situations.

We use to chat on MSN messenger, just making fun and other stuff. Then one day, in a family occasion he gave all the members surprise by visiting us. He didn’t inform anybody that he is coming. My father took me to him and asked me “who is he?” and I said “I don’t know” and then he told me that he is the same cousin I use to talk.

He was such a fun loving guy. Even when he got divorced, there was no change of tone in his voice. Same attitude, same smile. He was again planning for yet another surprise visit when we received that tragic news.

Initially we all thought that he is making some kind of joke again. We all were so attached to him that we had thought even thought that he had created some kind of prank on all of us by spreading rumor of his death and that whole night and the next morning, we were expecting that our door bell will ring at any moment and we will see him saying “surprise”.

We were keep calling him on viber, whtsapp, mobile, etc. But couldn’t reach to him. Then gradually we realize that it is not a joke by him, rather by his fate.

We haven’t seen any picture of his dead body. I hope we had got one so that it could become easier to believe that he is gone forever.

So, I still remember the aroma of his perfume that he used. Don’t know the name, but still whenever I get smell something similar even, I look for him that he might had come back to us.

 

RIP dear… you are still missed!!

Should I???

Should I???

Should I follow my dreams or my responsibilities?

Should I give presentations or clean the kitchen?

Should I sign contracts or feed my baby?

Should I attend meetings or mow the grass?

Should I scream or remain silent?

Should I became a rebel or stay a victim?

Should I start living as a human or keep living as a female?

Discrimination

Discrimination

I was amazed by the results of election. Some what I was disappointed. It was not between Mr. Trump and Mrs. Clinton, but it was between a man and a woman, where woman was a doctorate degree holder, wife of ex-president and office holder for a long time.

Saddened to see that male dominance exist not only in under developed countries, but it also pertains in developed nations. Initially I only use to think that countries like Pakistan, Afghanistan, Africa, India, etc. are the countries in which women are degraded. But now I see no difference.

With great power comes greater responsibilities, thus if this time, the USA had voted for a female candidate, they could have changed their history of being no female president in USA. They could have initiated the change in the mindset of people.

If female doesn’t get a chance in such a developed country, I cannot expect my country to give me equality.

(The opinions are strictly personal and with all due respect to both the candidates)

My Confidence- My Primp

My Confidence- My Primp

Primp  means to look more attractive by making small changes in your overall attire. It is usually the last minute changes we made in our make-up, hairs and dress that create greater impact on the perception of our personalities on others. That is why usually perfumes are the last thing we use as primp, so that whether we can create a stronger impact on the nostrils of the people we are going to meet with. That is the reason that sometime we recognize a person just by their brand of perfume.

My last minute personality enhancer is not a make-up item. I believe it is truly materialistic and does not create that powerful impression of myself and thus it is not worth my last minute attention.

My last minute primp is confidence. Whether it comes within myself or I have to fake it. I carry it wherever I go. I am very much introvert. I don’t like social gatherings at all. Give me a book and cup of coffee and you will be best friend. So whenever I had to get out of my comfort zone to face this useless world with small mentality. I had to use my last minute time to get my confidence out on my face.

This is a hard trick, especially for the people like me who cannot bear lies. Thus in the last minutes, I chant the following:

  1. They will not kill me
  2. Who cares whether what they think. I know who and what I am.
  3. I had seen worst things in life then this
  4. I am not scared of rejections
  5. I am best in my own way. And I don’t need to show it
  6. All I need to show is ‘I DON’T CARE’
  7. And there are some lovely people in my life who will accept me whether ‘they’ accept me or not.

I keep these things (and more) in my mind and by chanting them, confident don’t come to me, but fear leaves me and the absence of one means the presence of the other.